The Rules are the root of all the problems. The best man mumbles, “No photos, no tweeting, no phone calls home,” as his foaming pint of beer spills onto the ground. Anyone who violates The Rules will be fined tonight because eating is considered cheating.
The Rules are the reason that all men secretly fear bucks’ nights and that women have a bad feeling that bad things happen during these chaotic gatherings. But I’m going to tell you what actually occurs when the stags go out.
Several recent wartime tales: I once helped a stag get out of jail after he was found unconscious on a roundabout while wearing only a G-string. I’ve seen a man wash his penis in a nightclub sink in a frantic attempt to make up with a dancer wearing red lipstick. And I’ve been forced to go to sleazy lap-dancing clubs while my girlfriend thought I was playing paintball and driving tanks. But here’s the true secret: on these “last nights of freedom,” the majority of us simply want to avoid getting into trouble.
The usual culprits
The cast is the same on every stags’ night. The Best Man issues awful drinking penalties, such as sipping beer through his sock. The Renegade is someone who goes on “missions” in order to obtain narcotics or to thwart plans. The Wild Card is that guy who shows up with no luggage, tequila and a hat. He is likely to plunge you in trouble with bucks strippers.
These bachelor parties can have a more darker side.
Following the death of his closest friend during a stag do in Australia in 2009, a guy admitted guilt to manslaughter. The judge claimed they did it out of a “misplaced sense of loyalty and mateship” as evidenced by the court’s hearing of their heroin injections. You know, peer pressure causes some men feel tempted to do things they wouldn’t typically do.
The Ruse
On a stag night, I received a “fine” and was forced to return to the group with a woman’s bra. On a hens’ night, I persuaded a girl to let me borrow hers on the condition that I would give it back the next day. After exchanging numbers, I understood that I now had something to conceal from my partner. But in reality, the main purpose of stags’ nights is to deceive our partners into believing we are up to something.
The fact that stags’ nights are frequently dull, according to The Rules, prevents you from taking images, a friend admitted. There are only dead guys in costume who are unable to select which tavern to visit next; there are no tigers or police chases. Things like “fines,” “borrowing bras,” “radio silence,” and all the chatter about going to brothels (which we never do) are all ploys to give you girls the impression that we’re dangerous and up to no good. We are all secretly frightened that girls’ nights are when the really bad things happen.
The best stag party I’ve ever attended? The groomsman decided that planning a spa weekend with manicures, facials, and pink fluffy bathrobes would be amusing. The groom smirked and covered his eyes with cucumber slices, saying, “Thank God we’re not going to a strip club.” The rest of the lads were hoping for a proper send off with buck strippers.